


The Last Gasp of Trilla Suduri

by Rokocon



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Inspired by Fanfiction, My First Fanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:13:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27426268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rokocon/pseuds/Rokocon
Summary: Trilla didn't have to die when she did. But would she be able to overcome her past and find more than hate if she had lived?This is my first fanfic, so feel free to let me know what you think!
Relationships: Cal Kestis/Trilla Suduri | Second Sister
Comments: 14
Kudos: 28





	1. The Clash

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [we all have a hunger](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21538945) by [lordbhreanna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lordbhreanna/pseuds/lordbhreanna). 



> Here's my short take on a Trilla/Cal relationship, if such a thing could even exist. I hope you like it!

The shadow walked out from a cloud of billowing steam. Its face was an unnatural facade with features sharp enough as to have been carved out of stone. Its stature was immense, towering over the three force-users already in the interrogation chamber. It did not breathe. It _whirred._ The sound was a sort of horrifying wind that reeked of the dark side of the Force. The shadow's name was Darth Vader, and it intended to slay those in its path.

Trilla Suduri shuddered as the Sith approached her. She knew that her almost-forgiveness of her former master, Cere Junda, was too far a turn to the light. Weakness could not be tolerated by the Sith, or the Empire that served them. Her end would be swift and soon.  
"You have failed me, Inquisitor," Lord Vader said, almost with glee at the thought of adding another body to the gargantuan pile he had already collected. He could likely sense the terror that coursed through Trilla's veins.  
But that fear hinted at sort of...anger. She felt fury at the Empire, her Empire, which would toss her aside so easily. After all that she had sacrificed--her sanity, her people, and almost all ofher body and soul. It was a betrayal of the highest order. One would expect nothing less from a Sith.

With a growl, Darth Vader's lightsaber came into being, its color the same as the blood it would soon taste. Trilla raised her chin slightly to look into Cere's eyes one last time. At this, the blood in Trilla's head rushed. Her eyes, which had briefly turned to a subtle brown, now flared yellow. Her arm swung up from her side, drawing her lost lightsaber hilt to her side. As Darth Vader brought his saber down, Trilla spun on her heels and met it with her own.

The blades clashed mere inches from her face, and Trilla thought she saw an almost imperceptible recoil from the Dark Lord at this insubordinance. He now gripped the hilt with both gloves and pushed towards her with the crushing force of someone who was far from human. "You have made your final mistake," the machine-man said in his modulated voice.

Cal Kestis, who had stood stunned during all of this, knew that he and Cere had to act while they could. He turned towards the way he had come and saw a path to freedom. He grabbed Cere's shoulder and shouted over the howling sabers, "Cere, we have the holocron, we need to leave _right now_." But the connection between a padawan and a master, like that of a parent and child, could not be severed so easily. And Cere had already left her apprentice before. She didn't move her body just yet, only turning her head to look at Cal. He was frightened yet determined. Her new apprentice had so much potential, if he survived this day. How could Cere put him in danger over someone who had been corrupted by the dark side?  
"Let's go," she finally spoke, "Tell Greez to get the Mantis ready!"

When the two Jedi left, Trilla hardly noticed. She was two busy trying to avoid being cut in half by an upward slash from Darth Vader. Vader fought with a deceiving slowness, yet his guard could not be broken. Worse, his strikes were more powerful than a rancor's blows. They were something like a force of nature. Trilla parried a blow into the floor, then raised her left hand and called a metal panel from the ceiling into action. Vader could not react fast enough to stop it, and it dug itself into his right arm. Here was the only chance for survival. Trilla flicked the switch on her blade and flipped gracefully over Vader's head. With rage, he swung at her but met only the steamy air. When he turned to face her once again, she had disappeared, now a fugitive of her own Empire.


	2. An intruder on the decks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now we find our cast out of the Fortress Inquisitorius and inside the Stinger Mantis...

The slightly charred chunks of the Jedi holocron fell onto the ground, no longer suspended by the otherworldly Force. Cal flicked his lightsaber off and pondered the shattered remains of the Jedi Order's last hope. But it had to be done. Just by existing, the holocron had put the force-sensitives its databanks contained at risk. Cere, despite her own fragile emotional state, tried to reassure Cal. "This isn't the end, Cal. As long as we live, so does the Order," she said softly, with her hand on his shoulder. He raised his head to look between her, Greez, and the Nightsister Merrin. With a sad smile, and a small nod, he turned and trudged towards the aft of the Stinger Mantis, and his bunk.

A panel on the floor of the Mantis raised above its normal position, and found its place beside the new opening in the ground. A gloved hand, pitch black on the outside and red on the palm, clutched the metal edge of the hole. Trilla clambered up and into the Mantis' small kitchen area. Deliberately, she scanned all of her surroundings before allowing herself to stand to her full height. The crew had long since retreated to their bunks to sleep or calm their mind on the holonet. Trilla had the run of the ship.

The living compartment was small, but cozy in a way. Trilla chuckled to herself at how such a small space would affect Cal Kestis, Cere, and their friends. Small annoyances might turn into full-blown arguments, and that into an exodus from the ship. Trilla stopped in front of a small, but packed, terrarium. Immediately catching her eye was the milkweed sprout growing from the course dirt. 

During her time at the Coruscant Jedi Temple, she had kept a plant much like it on the sill of her window. The green, erratic vine had contrasted finely to the durasteel jungle outside. Trilla held the vine between two fingers, prisoner to her thoughts. Then, violently, she snapped the vine into two with a sharp twist. Much like the Jedi she had killed in her time as an Inquisitor, Trilla felt the milkweed's life force disappate. She frowned and threw the severed stalk to the ground, crushing it under her boot. There was far bigger fish to fry.

Kestis didn't have a room, just a bunk with some storage that lined the hall of the Stinger Mantis. Trilla found him there now, deep in slumber. His little droid, her bane several times over, had powered down beside Cal. Heart pounding, Trilla stalked closer to him, removing her lightsaber from her belt as she did so. Trilla put the emitter not more than an inch away from Cal's face. For some reason, she didn't hit the switch on the hilt. She had no emotional attachment to this young fool, but something stopped her from ending him. Trilla didn't know what, but before she could overcome it, Cal frowned. The Jedi's eyes were closed, but his mouth started to mumble some incoherent babble. Trilla could recognize the words "Tapal" and…"Trilla."

Curious, the Inquisitor carefully placed her lightsaber back on her belt and put her palm next to Cal's head instead. She was no empath, but feelings were not impossible to sense. She closed her eyes and focused on his mind. Kestis was naive, which did not surprise her. But he was also strong with the light side.. .he had heart that few Jedi did. Confident, but not malicious. Butwould her name be spoken by such an incorruptible being? Jedi did not dream of the Dark Side lightly. 

There it was. Cal's anger and lust was a mere trickle of thought in his mind, but Trilla had found it. That was the side that had emerged when she killed his scrapper friend so long ago. When she played with his emotions on Zeffo, tempting him to join her yet also insulting his master. Cal Kestis was a flawed human, not Master Yoda. That was something she could exploit, and she would. Lust was something even Jedi could find difficult to avoid. Dark Side users, like Trilla, used their emotions for power. She traced, with the gentlest touch, the curve of Cal's chin. Her lust would be her ally in time, and so would Cal Kestis. Trilla could not wait to see her former master's face when that day came. It would come soon enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a blast to write, so thank you for reading!


	3. A stirring of the soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Mantis makes a stop on a desert planet, and Trilla makes her move.

Like a mirage in the eyes of a weary traveler, the Stinger Mantis swooped over a massive sand dune. A cloud of dust, stirred by mighty engines, swirled in the Mantis' trail. Jakku was not a friendly planet, or a particularly hospitable one, but the Empire could care less about this dirt ball. The starship slowed down and found its landing place outside a small settlement. Parchak City had only about a thousand permanent residents, but it was a relatively popular rest stop for bounty hunters, spice smugglers, and even anti-Imperial saboteurs. Of course Greez knew about it.

With a thunk, the walkway of the Mantis settled in the coarse, rough sand. Cere, Merrin, and Greez emerged from the ship and made their way down the ramp. They were all wrapped in dusty, ragged clothes that Greez had discovered in one of his lockers. Hopefully it would be enough of a disguise to keep them from the Empire's eye. Before they could leave, though, Cal started after them. "Wait up, I ought to go too-" Merrin had luckily looked behind herself in time to see Cal lose his balance and come tumbling down. She intercepted his crash course to the ground with a swift catch. His face was slightly sweaty as she frowned at him. "I think your lightsaber wound says otherwise," she chided while helping him to his feet. "I didn't know you were a doctor, Merrin…" Cal chuckled, grudgingly limping his way back up the boarding ramp. "It doesn't take one to know you shouldn't be running around after being stabbed in the side, Cal." Cere interjected, "Someone needs to stay with the ship while we get supplies."  
He looked down a bit and nodded. "Yeah, I know. Just used to being the one out there," he said, following that up after a second with, "Try not to get us caught, alright?" Cere grimaced and waved her goodbye before the trio started their trek to Parchak City.

Cal clutched his side as he closed the gangway. The lightsaber wound had been treated with bacta, but it still pained him. Vader had done his best to kill him after Cere and him ran, but had only succeeded in putting him out of action for the time being. Cal ran his hand alongside the edge of the checkered table that stood in the center of the Mantis' small leisure area. A short buzz later, tiny holographic monsters materialized on it's surface. BD-1 booped and hopped into the opposite side of the table from Cal. The little droid looked up at the young Jedi expectantly. He laughed quietly and said, "Alright, if you want to be humiliated that badly…" Cal found a grungy crate to sit on and started a game of dejarik with his diminutive friend.

Cal had just started his final assault to mop up BD-1's forces when he heard footsteps from around the corner. What really caught his attention was the figure herself stepping around the corner. "Hello, Cal," Trilla Suduri said playfully, lowering her a head a bit to fit under the doorway, "It almost seems like you've forgotten about me."  
As Trilla watched, Cal got off of the crate and stepped into the beginnings of a battle stance. His hand went to his lightsaber but did not yet grasp it. She enjoyed seeing the mix of shock, relief, and cautiousness on his face. "T-Trilla…" he stuttered, "I thought you were dead." Trilla slow-walked over to the dejarik table and looked down at BD-1, who was frozen in fear. "Don't-!" Cal began to shout in panic, but Trilla just stroked the top of the little droid's head. "That would've been easier, wouldn't it, Cal?" At his name, she raised her gaze to his again. He was still cautious, completely lost as to her motives. She strolled a little closer to him, but he backed away to keep his distance. Trilla could almost sense the conflict churning in him. 

It was best to not push her luck too far, though. She turned back and went into the compact kitchen. Ostensibly looking for something to eat, Trilla hooked Cal with the words, "Is it difficult to keep to your Jedi code with Merrin around?" She didn't see his reaction to that, but it must've been a bright red blush. "What-what are you-" Cal stammered, struggling to respond.  
Trilla interrupted, "She's a beautiful Nightsister with a touch of the dark side. I know that Jedi can't resist that sort of thing." Taking a bite of a koali-fruit, she raised her eyebrows at Cal as if to say, "I'm right, aren't I?" Trilla loved to see him squirm as he looked at the ground and shifted in place with discomfort. She tossed her prop aside and started towards him again. He wasn't paying enough attention to react before she put her hand on his shoulder as a "comforting" gesture. She felt him jolt at the touch. He immediately tried to wriggle away, but she gently held him there. "Trilla, stop playing around and get out of my face!" He said, hand still by his saber. 

"I think she feels the same way, Cal." Trilla said light-heartedly, "Maybe you ought to talk to her about it?" She smiled warmly, but her gesture was undermined by her still-yellow eyes. Trilla knew that his dumbfounded state would slip away any second now, so there was no more time to waste.  
"Or are you still thinking about that boring old holocron?" Trilla said in a voice that concealed her desperation. Cal narrowed his eyes. "It's gone," he told her haltingly, "I destroyed it after Cere and I made it back to the ship." 

"You-" Now Trilla was frozen. The grin she had worn like a mask trembled as fire consumed her mind. Her hand tightly clenched on Cal's shoulder, and he winced in pain, lightsaber hand leaving his side to touch her wrist. "Agh, Trilla, that actually hurts!" Without a word, she flung her left hand behind her back, dragging Cal's lightsaber from his belt to out of his reach. With the other hand, she released his shoulder and seized his neck just below the jaw. Trilla raised him off his feet and slammed his body into the side of the ship. "Trilla, what are you-?!" he choked out as she took her saber from her side. She ignited it and placed the blade at Cal's throat. "GIVE ME THE HOLOCRON!" she howled, jaw trembling in rage. "AFTER EVERYTHING I SUFFERED, YOU COULD NOT HAVE JUST DESTROYED IT!" Trilla's gloved hand tightened on his throat and she moved the red blade even closer.

A tiny beep came from her beside her feet, so she whirled her head to look. BD-1 had placed there a tiny glass shard. He looked up at her and seemed to plead with his robotic eyes. Trilla could tell that it must've been what remained of the holocron. Her last chance to "win the Emperor's favor," as she had once said. Out of desperation, she had hoped to use the relic to gain influence over Vader. Maybe replace him.  
Now she had nothing.

Still keeping her grip on Cal's throat, but loosening it somewhat, she switched off the saber and put it back on her belt. Now she looked at him again, almost staring through his soul. He looked back in terror, both hands grabbing her wrist in a pathetic effort to break free. Trilla had a sudden impulse run through her head. She lowered him down to her eye level and felt a nervous gulp under her glove. At this point, Cal Kestis was barely able to make sense of what happened around him.  
Trilla put the tip of her gloved finger in her teeth and released her hand from its synth-hide prison.  
She caressed her hand past his temple and brushed back his hair. The tingle she felt when touching his skin with hers for the first time must certainly have been shared with Cal, for he blushed yet again. Trilla leaned in and softly kissed his cheek. She moved back and smiled devilishly. "Give Cere my love," she said, before knocking him into unconsciousness with her saber hilt. 

He slumped to the floor in a heap, and Trilla began to make her exit. The gangway hissed open, buffeting her with a brutal heat wave. Trilla grabbed a raggedy poncho beside the door to conceal her Imperial garb. She looked at Cal one last time before going down the ramp. "I will make you mine," she said softly to no one but herself. The ramp retracted into the ship, and Trilla Suduri disappeared into the desert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love tension, so I hope it came across well enough here. I'll work on another chapter soon!


	4. Traces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cal deals with what happened between him and Trilla.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't too excited to write this chapter, but I think it turned out alright.

It was a long time before Cal Kestis woke from his unwanted slumber. When he opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was BD-1, nervous as a droid could be. BD beeped happily and raised his antennae when he saw Cal's eyes open.   
"Hey, buddy," Cal slowly pushed himself off of the floor and got to his feet.  
Immediately his hand went to his forehead, where he winced at the slightly bloody cut that Trilla's saber had left. Immediately after that, he remembered what he...thought happened. Did it? Cal, with some trepidation, moved his hand to his cheek. It still had the faintest bit of moisture from...her.

BD gave out a little "boop." Cal nodded in agreement. "You're right, buddy. I should clean up this wound before they get ba-"  
KSHHH! Steam hissing from its mechanisms, the gangway opened to reveal Cal's crewmates. They carried food portions, converters, and plenty of extra sand stuck to their disguises.   
Right away, Merrin noticed Cal's wound. She dropped her supplies and rushed to him. "What is this, Cal?" Merrin said, in an uncharacteristically worried voice.  
She put her hand to his bloody temple and brushed back his hair. Cal recoiled from her touch, all too similar to one he had felt shortly before. "It-it's nothing, Merrin. I just fell like before, that's all." His heart sank at Merrin's hurt frown. Cal tried to recover the situation. "I didn't mean anything by that, Merrin, I'm sorry…" "I'm sure you are, Kestis," Merrin said curtly and toted some power converters to the back of the Mantis.  
"You got a way with her, Cal. That's for sure," Greez said. He and Cere had watched the whole thing unfold, much to Cal's chagrin.   
With a fake laugh, the young Jedi left for his bunk.

Even after they left Jakku, Cal still didn't tell the others about what had happened. His cut was the only reason he believed it himself, and there was no reason to further jeopardize how he felt about Merrin. His slip-up had still left an invisible barrier of sorts between them.  
Besides, Trilla had no reason to return…right?  
Over the next week, the Mantis hopped from planet to planet, tracking hints and coded messages on the holonet. The crew were hoping to find more Jedi, or allies against the Empire. Cal Kestis used the missions to try to forget what had happened, even though he wasn't sure he...wanted to.   
Despite the violent choke and blatant manipulation, Cal still thought about her kiss. He had never been kissed before. That wasn't exactly the modus operandi of the Jedi Order. Before he went to sleep each night, Cal found himself touching his cheek. Then, his cut would throb and bring him back to reality.

Near the end of the week, Greez intercepted a distress signal on a wavelength similar to the one used by Saw's partisans. The Stinger Mantis was on its way to Dantooine.  
The starship landed in a clearing amidst the forest cover. The ramp opened, and this time only Cal walked out on it. The bacta had done good work, and he was fit to fight again. "Wait, Cal," Cere called after him. He turned. "The distress signal isn't far from here, but you need to be cautious. There could be an Imperial expeditionary force here. Or Force knows what wildlife," she said in a demeanor like that of a worried parent.   
"Luckily I'm getting to be an expert at dealing with pests," Cal smirked from the bottom of the ramp and spun his lightsaber hilt. Merrin appeared at the doorway and washed the confidence from his face. "Good luck, Cal,"   
"You too," he replied.  
That was all she had to say before disappearing into the Mantis, so Cal didn't stay much longer.

Luckily Cal had thought to leave the ponchos, because the tropical climate of Dantooine wasn't kind to his human biology. When BD-1 jumped off of his back to scan a plant, it left a droid-shaped sweat stain. Besides the weather, though, Cal encountered no resistance. Soon, he was standing a few yards from the salvaged beacon he had been looking for. It was tucked away under an old settlement, likely to hide it from prying eyes. As BD-1 scurried to the beacon to investigate it, Cal took his time and looked around the decrepit home. There wasn't much to see but vines, moss, and rotting durasteel.   
"Buh-deep!" BD's blip caught his attention, and Cal got back on track. BD-1 was clutching a note written in Aurabesh in his manipulator. 

"What is it, BD?" Cal asked while squatting down to take the note. The little droid just put his antennae down and said nothing.   
Cal felt his pulse quicken as he started to read the note.

"Hello, Cal. I hope you haven't forgotten our little chat. I also hope you take comfort in knowing that I never meant to kill you.   
I want to see you again. This time you can tell me properly how you feel.  
I've placed encrypted coordinates in this beacon for you to follow, so don't dawdle too long. I'll be waiting eagerly for your arrival,

Trilla"

Cal folded the note and put it in his vest. As he had been reading, BD-1 appeared to have already extracted the contents of the beacon. "What do you think, BD?" Cal asked.  
"Boop,"  
"I agree. Let's just keep this between you and me."  
BD-1 cocked his head. "Bzrrt?"   
"Why would I want to see her again?!"   
"Gzzt,"  
Cal rubbed the back of his head in thought. "It would be good to resolve... everything," He muttered. After a short hike back, the two of them rejoined the rest of the crew.   
Cere looked expectantly at Cal. "Did you find anything out there?"  
"Just a clue." Cal walked up to the holotable and brought the map online. He paused and glanced at BD-1, who chirped.  
"We need to go back to Bogano."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're in the endgame now...


	5. Last rites

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cal and Trilla meet their destiny on Bogano.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was dissatisfied with the original final chapter (see pleasure and pain), so I decided to rewrite it.

"Why are we here, Cal?" Cere's question stopped Cal cold before he could leave the Stinger Mantis once again. The green sinkholes of Bogano were just outside, but Cal had to answer a question he really didn't want to answer.

He turned around to see Cere, and Merrin as well, waiting expectantly for an answer. Merrin had been waiting for Cal to tell the truth about his "fall" on Jakku. She still scowled at him now.

"Cal! What are you hiding from us?" Cere caught his attention again.

Cal rubbed the back of his head and continued his deceit. "I think I...missed one of Cordova's clues...right BD?" Cal gestured with an open palm to the little droid, who just folded his antennae down. 

Merrin just turned her head to look away. 

"You know you can trust us...right, kid?" Greez had gotten out of his seat and was fiddling absentmindedly with the holotable. "After all we've been doing through together?"

Cal couldn't look him in the eye. He faced the door again and said quietly, "Yeah, Greez...I know." Then he stepped out, this time without even BD-1.

Trilla felt the smooth, cold surface of the ancient vault's wall. The particular spot she was standing in front of at the moment was oddly polished enough to act like a mirror. She had seen Cal regarding himself in it the last time the two had met in this mossy chamber. 

Trilla moved closer to the mirror to better appraise her reflection. Over the last week, she had hardly gotten any sleep, and the particularly dark circles around her eyes belied this fact. Her eyes themselves, still yellow with the Dark Side, were bloodshot. 

Then, a small figure appeared behind her in the mirror. Trilla's mouth twisted into a wide smile. " _ Cal." _

The padawan held his lightsaber at a defensive position as he crawled out of the thin slit that functioned as an entrance to the vault. "Trilla. Don't come any closer." 

She wasn't going to let a scared boy tell her what to do. Flipping her lightsaber back and forth in her glove, Trilla slowly sauntered towards him. 

"Did you really come back to this...sinkhole of a planet just to  _ threaten _ me?" She chuckled, hand touching her heart as if she was flattered. Cal shifted his feet in place, creating little waves in the shallow pool that covered the vault's floor. 

Trilla happened to glance down and see the ripple go across the face of her watery reflection. It almost broke her facade, but Cal didn't seem to notice. Trilla went on.

"Why waste time bickering when you can tell me how you feel?"

Cal, still cautious, lowered his lightsaber. "I feel like you're playing games with my heart. And it won't work." Trilla cocked her head and stopped a couple yards away from Cal. "Really? I brought you across the galaxy to me simply through the power of  _ lust. _ You don't love me…" Trilla smirked and raised her chin a bit. "...but you  _ want  _ me." 

Cal didn't say anything for a second. "No!" He shouted, throwing his left hand out and blasting Trilla with a force shockwave. 

She brushed it off and unsheathed her saber with a hiss. Trilla didn't mind educating Cal with more combat. In fact, she craved it with the same hunger that she craved Cal.

Sabers crashing with showers of sparks, the combatants began their deadly dance.

Trilla flipped over Cal's head in a graceful spin, her blade finding its way towards his face. It was an awful risk to take, what she was doing. But Trilla had fought Cal enough times to know they were a match. He easily parried her blow and fought back with far more anger than a Jedi ought to. She slid under one of Cal's slices and pummeled him in the gut with her fist. He wheezed and dropped his guard for a second. Enough time for Trilla to send him flying with a spinning kick. Cal's saber flew out of his hands, clattering to the mossy ground. 

With a quick force dash, Trilla was standing above Cal. The tip of the crimson blade pointed directly at his throat. A bead of sweat dripped down his forehead.

The lesson was over. Trilla switched the saber off and offered Cal her hand. "Are we done now?" She asked him.

Cal eyed her hand warily before grasping it and pulling himself to his feet. "We're done," he said coldly and scrunched his fist into a ball. Trilla heard Cal's fallen saber ignite and careen towards her back! She leaped out of the way just in time, and he caught in the saber in a reverse grip.

The young fool had tried to kill her. He was going to stab her in the back after she had spared him. Hate filled her heart once again.

Cal knew he had gone too far as well. His expression changed to sorrow, and he raised his hands to apologize. "Trilla, I shouldn't have-"

"YAHH!" She shrieked and lunged at him with a heavy blow. One that was far too telegraphed to kill him. Cal sidestepped her and, without thinking, sliced through her midsection just above the waist. It didn't cut her in two, but it was a fatal blow nonetheless. Her momentum carried her into a hard landing, the circular saber hilt shattering on the ground. 

Trilla laid on her stomach and just trembled. She could see out of the corner of her vision that Cal had slumped to his knees, dumbstruck at what he had just done. Her waist burned like nothing she had felt before, but Trilla summoned enough strength to flip herself onto her back. "Trilla, wait, let me...carry you to the Mantis...I can still save you!" Cal pleaded through tears and leaned over to pick her up. His face was just above hers now, full of panic and sorrow.

Trilla smiled weakly, her rage banished by the fiery pain in her gut. She grabbed the back of his head and, before he could react, pulled him into a brief, passionate kiss. Cal, still sobbing, didn't say a word. She whispered softly into his ear, "I don't  _ want  _ to be saved, silly." 

The pungent Coruscant air ruffled Trilla's hair. At the level of the Jedi Temple, the atmosphere was sufficiently diluted as to not be sickeningly toxic. 

Trilla passively watched a Jedi speeder rush off to its destination. Likely a Jedi Knight on their way to a bloody war. For now, though, Trilla wasn't going to be joining them. She stepped away from the window and went back to her small workbench to polish her lightsaber hilt. A curt knock interrupted her work. "Trilla, we've got to go! The Council has given us orders to deploy to Mygeeto!" Cere yelled through the duraplast door. 

Trilla looked out the window from her workbench. The sun was bright that day, its warmth radiating on her face like an embodiment of the Force itself. 

She smiled, at peace for the last time in her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading my story! I hope you liked it.


	6. Pleasure and pain (original chapter 5)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cal meets Trilla at Bogano. This is the original chapter 5 before I rewrote it.

A light rain started to drizzle over the grassy sinkholes of Bogano. Everything from the disgusting swamp rats to the gargantuan oggdos were finding shelters to hide in. Everything except the tall, lean figure pacing in an ancient ruin. Trilla Suduri would not let a little rain stop her now. Not when she was on the cusp of victory. 

Trilla stopped pacing at the sound of starship engines passing overhead. She had heard them enough times to know the sound very well. A smile traced its way across her face.

Cal Kestis had found his way to the chamber not long after that. The two had dueled in this very place, the Zeffo vault, before. All he had to know was that she was on Bogano. Trilla had rightfully guessed that the young Jedi would figure out the rest on his own. 

Trilla now stood poised in the center of the vault as Cal emerged from a thin crack in the wall, the sole entrance and exit. He had on another of his awful ponchos, its fabric spattered by the rain. 

Trilla beckoned to him, gesturing innocently for Cal to get closer. But he did not. Instead, he grabbed his lightsaber off of his belt and ignited it with a hiss.

"Don't get any closer, Trilla."

"Are you sure that's what you want, Cal? Did you come all this way just to threaten me?" Even at the distance he was at, Trilla could tell he was uneasy. He didn't respond to her taunts. She started to close the gap between them.

"Stop it!" Cal raised his lightsaber even higher in alarm. The little droid on his back jumped off and scurried to the side. "What sick game are you playing?! What do you want?!"

Even as he shouted at Trilla, he didn't retreat from her approach. She stopped a few yards away, close enough to see him blink away the rain pouring down.

"I want _you_ , Cal." He had to have known she would say it. Had he really come here expecting a fight? For the first time, Trilla couldn't read his expression. 

He just stood there in his defensive position for another few seconds, perhaps trying to defend against more than physical threats. The brilliant blue of the saber disappeared, leaving only the overcast sky above them for light. Cal walked, almost in a trance, towards Trilla, stopping just a few feet from her. 

Wordlessly, they studied each other's eyes, trying to read motives unsaid. Finally, Cal was the first to speak.

"I don't understand…any of this. Why not just kill me when you had me by the throat?" He was so confused, that much she could tell. "I've never wanted to kill you, Cal…" Trilla said softly, inching closer to him. "I was only desperate to get the holocron. The Empire was all I had." 

"Then why not join us? Cere doesn't even know you're alive, she could learn to trust you again. You can help us _fight_ the Empire," Cal pleaded, trying to follow his better angels, "We can go right now."

But Trilla only heard one part of what he had said. "You didn't tell the others about our encounter, did you, Cal?" The rain seemed to freeze in midair.

She had him. Trilla _knew_ she had him. 

Now the former Inquisitor was close enough to see the droplets running down his face and soaking his reddish eyebrows.

She stood inches away and whispered into his ear.

"Do you feel something for me, Kestis? Am I just an enemy to you, or is there something _more_?" Trilla swore she could hear his blood pounding through his ears. She walked around behind him, her fingers following the curve of his shoulder.

Cal finally moved, tipping his head to look at his feet. Trilla made her way around to face him once again. She gently moved his chin so that their eyes would meet. 

She cupped his dripping face in her hands. Cal was still speechless, but not as recalcitrant as before. He brought his hand up to her face, brushing the side of it with his palm. Trilla closed her eyes and leaned into his hand. It had been so long since she had felt more than anger...more than hate…

She opened her eyes and put her hand behind Cal's head, locking it into his reddish hair. Before he could react, Trilla brought Cal into a kiss. Cal's arms were mostly slack at his sides as she embraced him, hands searching his body for purchase. Then Trilla, in the throes of passion, could feel him lean in and actually _kiss her back._ The two were one for a brief moment, consumed by lust. They were not Jedi or Jedi-hunters, just lovers. 

Trilla finally broke their clutch and nuzzled his neck. She started to undo his belt, purring into his ear, "You're finally _mine._ " Trilla knew she had made a mistake when Cal's hands shifted from her body to her wrists, stopping them from moving any further. He pushed her away, and she had not been ready. Trilla sprawled into a puddle with a mighty splash, dumbfounded. Cal drew his saber again, face right with anger. "I'm _yours_?" He growled incredulously, hands trembling still. "You don't care about me at all! This is just a...power play for you!" Trilla didn't move or say a word, just stared at his feet and sunk into the puddle. 

Cal seemed to want her to get up, to fight, but she wouldn't move a muscle. "SAY SOMETHING!" He yelled, bringing the saber over his head for a killing blow. Before Cal could act, Trilla took her lightsaber from her belt and flicked the switch. The red blade went clean through her like a skewer and went away just as quickly. She collapsed into the rainwater, saber hilt skittering away like a discarded relic. Cal immediately sheathed the saber and bent down to her, holding her in his arms. "Trilla, why?! What did you just do-" he said, words clouded by a most un-Jedi like emotion. She still didn't say a word, just smiled, reached up, and brushed his hair back like she had done before. This time it was with compassion, not lust. 

Her eyes brown once again, Trilla couldn't hear Cal's cries anymore. Instead she heard a soft chatter in the distance. 

It was the younglings again, betting on their favorite podracers between classes with Master Yoda. Trilla's room was close enough so that she could hear them every day. Whissh! A speeder rushed by her window, shaking the milkweed's pot. Trilla looked out into the sunny Coruscant sky. The Jedi Temple was high enough that the pollution emitted by the planet did not stain the white clouds and blue sky. Trilla closed her eyes from the rain and felt the sun's warmth radiate on her face like it had so many years ago. A lifetime ago.

Trilla's head slumped into the water, limp. Cal held onto her for a while, crying into her neck and clutching her close. He didn't feel the rain pummeling his back, nor BD-1 bumping his leg. 

When his angst finally passed, Cal let her go, the lifeless body awkwardly sinking onto the mossy ground. It did not disappear, like those of Jedi since passed. They had earned their place in the Force while Trilla, with her atrocities and betrayals, had not. But she was at peace.

Still trembling, Cal picked up her saber and stowed it away in a pocket. Her eyes, still open, looked into the rainy sky above. 

There was no use staying any longer. Cal left her laying there and crawled through the tiny hole in the vault wall. He didn't look back, for fear of losing his composure again. In the end, Trilla had beaten him. She had made him _hers._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading my fanfic, everyone! I've left this original chapter 5 in so you can read it and decide which ending you like better. I prefer the rewrite, but it's all up to you, dear reader.
> 
> BTW... suicide is never the answer. There is ALWAYS a better way.


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